Over the last several months I hit a bottom, probably not The Bottom, but a true and new bottom for me… an immobilizing of my heart, passion, soul, relationships, and spirit. I feared my state. I could share the back story but that’s not the story. This is the story…

I’m at my desk staring at the computer waiting for either the inspiration, energy, or focus to accomplish a little something that might affirm my being an image-bearer of the Most High Eternal Triune God of Creation, when a Staff Member steps in to say something about something and disrupts my glazed stare.  I think she was sent by God to pierce the fog of my life and leave behind some sort...

I'm preparing to speak to 400 women at our women’s Captivating Retreat this Saturday on "Loving A Man". I'm pretty excited about sharing my sagely heart, what an honor! (My next thought is, ?!%$@! What a weight… 350 husbands depending on me to step up and into the gap advocating for them!)

It’s been a sweet time allowing the desires of my masculine heart regarding a woman’s love surface. Memories, moments, disappointments and the lingering joys of 38 years of my marriage to Lori rise. I’m in a good place, God is present, I’m smiling, reflecting and writing. Then I think, "Hey, what do some of the great love songs have to say about love from a man...

She’s disappeared.

Several years ago my mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia.

If it’s true that the window of the soul is the eye, my mom’s windows are smudged and opaque, silver, muted in color and passion. Glazed, lost, disoriented… confused.

To think of life without my mom seems unthinkable. No more mom, who with knowing eyes can speak mercy, love and kindness into my life. Gone are the life affirming hugs. Her embrace is now a grasp… a searching for the strength and hope that there is indeed a future… a heaven, another land, a river to cross… life again. She’s embracing me in her last days as I did her in my first.

Her memory, our names... life is...

 
We were created for unimaginable levels of pleasure… isn’t that what Eden held?
 
Therefore, of course we legitimately long for all the pleasure we can squeeze out of life… that’s part of being, at the core, an Image Bearer. And there is no condemnation or shame in wanting our lives to be free of the hassles, discomfort and suffering that commonly jumps out and upon us in this life. 
 
The issue isn’t our desire, it is our timing.
 
 How much of what will fully be ours in heaven is available now?
 
Yes we were made for Eden and it will be ours again… fully in the future!
 
Until then...